Posted in Writings

A Dark Soul

Tears were running down her cheeks and she couldn’t stop them.Eve had been crying for over and hour and nothing was making her feel better.There were so many emotions stuck in her chest that she could barely breath.She felt alone in the blackness of the night and the sound of the cars passing by was almost inaudible.
She tried not to cry, to cope with everything that happened, but she couldn’t.Sometimes Eve blamed herself for having a sensitive heart and often a dark soul.Honestly, she was a good person and everybody loved her, but she felt worthless.She just thought about bleeding to death in the most darkest moments of her existence.At this point, she was feeling worthless, heartbroken and sad.So sad that the room felt like a prison she couldn’t escape.No, not the room.Her life itself became a prison, a labyrinth full of misteries.Eve was sick of trying and failing to discover them, to find the pieces of the puzzle again.Poison was running through her veins instead of blood.It made no sense to become whole again.That wasn’t even one of her choices.Death, on the other hand, was.She wanted everything to end, right there.Nothing was ending, it was just begining.And the pain, the pain was unbearable like all her insides were breaking at that point with every breath she took, with every beat of her cold heart .Her face was a mess: blood-red eyes, wet cheeks, a sad expression which would make you want to hold this lonely girl.She didn’t care about it anymore, just wanted a way out of suffering.A new path to walk on.To be loved.To be cared for.To be happy.
Suddenly, she got up and went to a brown drawer hidden in the corner of the suffocating room.Eve opened it quietly and inside there was a black shape, a gun.She took it , loaded it and then…felt her breath stop for a second.She couldn’t do it.After all this time, she didn’t have the courage.She felt hopeless and afraid, but it was more to life than just this and she knew it well enough.Memories of her childhood years came back to her in a rush: when she won the first prize for being the best writer at a competition, the first time she went on a rollercoaster, her first crush, her first kiss.All that made her feel special, but still full of grief.Mixed feelings drove her to this point.Luckily, Eve had a heart and a mind that wanted to fight and she wanted to live.To breath the air, to fall in love again, to get married and have kids, to be happy. She loved people and she didn’t want to hurt them.It was more to life than this.It was more to life than pain and she knew that no matter how painful would be to let go of the past , she would survive.Sometimes the hard way was the best way, but that didn’t stop more tears to make her vision blur.A smile appeared on her face in spite of the fact that she was overwhelmed with negative emotions.Something was making her feel good even though her insides were screaming “kill yourself, just end it” and that something was a feeling that conquered all of them.That was love.The most powerful emotion of all and yet the most dangerous.She thought about the paradox:” if you love until it hurts there would be no more pain, only more love”.That was what she understood that night.There was no more pain left in her soul, just peace and love.

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"You can tell yourself that you would be willing to lose everything you have in order to get something you want. But it’s a catch-22: all of those things that you’re willing to lose are what make you recognizable. Lose them, and you’ve lost yourself."— Jodi Picoult

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