Change of mind, change of style

If you are anything like me then you certainly dream about perfection. Achieving the impossible, having an ideal out there so far to reach that it drives you crazy. All those voices in your head whispering “you’re not good enough” make you more and more frustrated….until, one day, you crack.

Here comes the darkness. You dwell in it. Truth is, you know that even “dwelling here” it’s a huge lie that you made up. You are the darkness. You become it. Not befriend it or get lost in it, but becoming one shattered human being who wants to escape this world that brings no real joy.

You wish that the story will end here so that you could draw the line, jump directly to the conclusion without suffering. Then, you think and think and think.

“Who are you to suffer, anyway?”.

“This world is so unfair…”

“It’s clear that it’s not my fault at all…”

You go on living like that for a while. A person completely cut open.

Long nights. Some filled with aching dreams which ignite back the past. Others in which you are unable to sleep. Tossing and turning in bed. Wanting to forget everything and just move on…but graciously failing at it.

Time passes. You write and write. Poems which have tears in their essence. Stories well-wrapped in illusions. Later, all these will be the background of your success….but you don’t see it now. You feel hatred. You are left aside. You are suffering.

You talk, but no one listens. It’s so hard. There’s no way out of this maze filled with thorns at each corner. All over your body there are scars from the heartbreak. The world collapses under your feet and you try to cope with the pain.

To be continued….

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