“Because it’s easier to be a bad person than to be a good one.
That’s the thing with the easy road: it’s not always worth it.”
”Because my way is the best way and I’m always right. He is wrong.” Sounds familiar?
I used to be that girl who was exactly like everyone else: blaming others for her mistakes. When I got into arguments I was always the one who was right and the other person was always wrong…but recently, something changed. Something inside me broke. Something called pride.
It’s so hard to stay firm and kind when people become so hostile with you. Sometimes, it’s almost impossible. Almost. I’m looking all around me, seeing people blaming others for their feelings and it makes no sense. If you are the only person responsible for your happiness, why do you blame others for not fulfilling your wishes? Okay, I agree, they didn’t, but who created the expectations in the first place? You did.
It hurts to look at someone who is mad at you, to listen to someone who criticise you, doesn’t it? I wanted to know why…and I found my answer. A part of you still believes what they say. If you weren’t, it would leave you untouched. More than that, we can only see in others the reflection of ourselves. If we walk out the door extremely mad, everyone would look unfriendly…but if you walk out smiling, suddenly, the world seems a sweet and welcoming place.
I learned a great lessons when I was faced with some situations. For instance, a friend of mine was telling me that she received a flower bouquet from an anonymous person and I started to smile, saying that this is a great gift.She didn’t have the same opinion, she thought it was weird and she didn’t want to take the flowers.
The situation was the same, but we saw it differently. I started to wonder at that point whether situations are in a certain way, good or bad, or people label them. Recently, I had some arguments with one of my best friends. Of course, I become mad. I still try to accept my feelings as they come and keep my calm, but it’s hard in the moment.Sometimes I can, sometimes I can’t, but I get better and better. Every small step counts. A few hours later I calmed down and I was thinking the situation through, trying to understand the reason why it’s staying in my way. I analysed it. I tried to figure out why people fight and I discovered that it’s all about pride. When you actually blame someone for your mistakes, everything seems pretty easy. You don’t have to face the truth. “It’s their fault.” “I’m always right”, but when you have to face yourself as being responsible for the situation that was created, it really hurts. It hurts because you have pride and your instinct is to consider yourself better than the other person. When I got to this point, I started to go even deeper into the problem in order to come up with a solution. A problem needs a solution, right?
I asked myself honestly: “In what possible way am I better than this person? I’m flawed,I’m human. I want to be happy. I don’t want to suffer. I will die. We are equals. Then, why are we fighting?”. Then, it hit me. We were not the victims, we were the creators of the situation and by blaming each other back and forth we created hatred instead of peace. We aspired to peace, but we created hatred and for that, we are both responsible. It was the time when I was mature enough to see my lesson. I had too much pride. I labelled the situation as wrong, but it turned out to be the best, because I learned a life lesson. I understood that mistakes are needed in order to grow and become a better person. I understood that expectations lead to disappointments and that I should never try to control people. Even helping others is tricky, because what’s good for me may not actually fit you. I also understood that I am responsible for everything that happens to me. I am responsible for what I feel, how I think and the way I react. I understood that we were equals in this situation and that we could never turn back time, but we can create a better present right now. Life is happening for us, not against us and I am really thankful for what I have been taught. We are both flawed human beings and it’s okay. We don’t have to beat ourselves up for it, although many times we do. The beauty lies in imperfection. So, why do we ask people to be perfect when we aren’t? Because we love the lies. The truth sometimes it’s hard to bear and we decide to tell a lie.
Most importantly, I learned that it’s never about situations, it’s about how people see them. Let’s give an example. Two persons are called stupid. The first one starts ti say: ”No, you are stupid. I’m the best.” The other person starts to smile and probably say: ”That’s what you choose to see in me?”. The same situation. Two different points of view. Pretty interesting, right?
Our perceptions says something about us and what we choose to see in others is found deeply in ourselves.We can’t change others, but we can change ourselves and by doing that people suddenly start to change. The mirror bothers us because it shows the truth and the truth bothers people, but if we don’t face the truth, we can’t live in peace. That’s what I’m encouraging you: to face the truth. In the end, you are your worst enemy and your best friend. It’s up to you the way you look at others and, most importantly, it’s up to you the way you see yourself.