Red dress

The tall, slim girl in front of me was wearing a blood-red dress that tightened her body. Her hair was partially falling in her face, blurring her vision little by little. She was making small hand gestures in order to see clearly and in return it made me notice her wonderful eyes. The colour of the blue sky was reflected in them. She looked so perfect, so flawless and yet…something was missing. I had to admit that her lips were the colour of cherries and probably she tasted so good to be kissed, but somehow a piece of herself was lost between the beauty of her physical appearance and the reality of her soul.

”What happened? What changed?”, I asked myself out loud, (by mistake, of course) without realising that she probably heard me….I was astonished to see her turn her back and look my way with those…eyes of hers that could kill everyone only with one glance.

“What’s your problem?Why are you looking at me like that?”, she asked, but little did she know about the truth.

I remembered that day. So vivid in my mind…and everytime I looked at her from then on everything just reminded me of….tears and sadness and how projections that you had built up for so long can actually shatter in the blink of an eye.

I was there with my best friend, Chelsy, talking about some random subject with her and Jane (probably about photography or writing, who knows?)…when Chelsy looked away for a brief second, enough to take in what was going on in front of her. I didn’t even realise, because when I talk I’m so caught up in what I’m saying to notice what’s happening in front of me…and I was really interested in what Jane was saying about this boy she liked. Suddenly, Chelsy touched my arm and said (I swear I can still hear her voice so strong and clear, without any trace of doubt): “Look, who is crying!”….I raised my head up and I saw how the girl in front of me right then and there was shedding back her tears. It broke my heart…because, in a way, it reminded me of myself…and it was sad. Really sad. I knew that Chelsy couldn’t make out the pain showing on my face….but she found out about that later when I was blaming myself for being unable to help this girl….and Jane, I think she was already used to her tears….I was the only one marked by it.

“Nothing. I’m not even looking at you…Sorry.”

“Good”, she said back. “Get lost.”

Although it took seconds for me to reply to her question, in my mind the memories rushed back again and again…and I did got lost, lost in my thought and feelings.

P.S: I don’t know why I’m telling you this. Maybe because the little helpless girl and the one who looks amazing in front of my eyes is actually the same person…although it may sound strange to you, I think that we all have sides that we don’t show to the world…and this was a side of someone I never wanted to see…since somehow it was the blunt truth. People are not actually skin deep and I believe that before judging someone by the way they look you’d better get to know their soul. Let me tell you, sometimes this may not be pretty at all, because you are forced to see the heartbreak hidden beneath a pretty smile.

 

 

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The Best

Dear S,

Let’s change the subject, okay? You know, I have been thinking about this a lot lately (surprisingly, I know), but S really comes from “sweetheart”, don’t you think? It sounds so good and it matches your personality, so I really love it.

What should I say, today? You turn 18. I’m really trying to find my words, but somehow I feel like I am underwater, gasping for air and failing to find it. I wanted this day to be different, really different. It’s a special day for you and I don’t want to make it feel like being less than that. I think is as special as you are, as special as your soul…and trust me, your soul is pretty special.

There are moments in time, moments that we lose in a blink of an eye…and feelings, so many feelings scattered on pieces of paper, lost dreams and tears that we cry when we are afraid of being vulnerable….but somehow we still manage to get back up and fight. “Just one more day. Just one more day”, we say to ourselves….and then the days turn into weeks and then the weeks turn into months and then the months turn into years and somehow you grow up. I call it “somehow”, because you have to fight through the worst days to put a smile on your face and not let others see your pain, although it hurts…and every piece of your heart is breaking. I know it’s sad, because that’s exactly how it’s supposed to sound and others can judge me if they want. I really don’t care right now, because in a way that’s our friendship. We were always there for each other when everything was getting so bad that we thought we would never find a way out of the darkness….but guess what? We always did, because people don’t look up to those who have broken hearts, who are victims and complain about how everything is not perfect in their life. People look up to those who help and inspire them to become better persons and that’s why people look up to you. That’s why I look up to you. Everytime I have a problem you are there for me with the kindest words possible. You listen and you care. Somehow, that helps me to get back up and realise that it’s not over yet and that I’m not so fragile as my inner critic tells me. You show me that I’m a warrior in flesh. You show me that I’m as real as it can get and if that’s not enough for someone then that someone is not enough for me. You show me what a hopeless romantic I am and how many bad choices I made, but somehow you let me understand the lessons for myself. I don’t call you “my best friend” just because I have nothing better to do, I call you “my best friend”, because before meeting you I never knew the definition of friendship. You are my first true friend and I will always hold you close to my heart no matter what happens. It’s a special day for you, sweetheart and I don’t want to make you feel less than special. Yes, I know that I’m not perfect and I have my own struggles, but you deserve the best, because I already have the best: I have you as a friend.

Lots of love,

Queen of Hearts

 

Do it for you!

“Do you have dreams? Like really weird, crazy, impossible dreams?

Like once in a lifetime kind of dreams? I know you do, because I do, too.”

I’m sorry if you thought  about the dreams you have when you go to sleep and everything is perfect in  your own little world. I’m not . I’m talking about your goals, your purpose in life, your calling. Why give up on your dreams? Don’t you want to fly? Don’t we all want to fly?

Once, I was a little girl thinking about how one day I would become the best writer…and guess what? I waited and waited and waited…for the right circumstance, for the right opportunity, for a chance…I just waited, without actually working. Guess what! Nothing happened, because I never actually worked for it and if you don’t work for something, don’t get disappointed when you don’t get the reward. Nothing will ever be right, no matter how much you wait and hope. You have to make the best of what you’ve got. You have to make the best of your life circumstance. Only one person can do it and that’s person is ….YOU.

I have been writing for more than one year and trust me, my style has changed a lot, because I wrote a lot. I tried new things. I wrote various stuff. I become a better person.

Now, back to you. I know you have dreams, because when you think about what you want your whole heart is screaming “yes” and a big smile appears on your face. So, why waste your time? Why not pursue your passions? Why always wait for something greater to appear when you already have everything it takes to make those dreams come true? Don’t let them become full of dust, forgotten in a corner, because you simply don’t have the courage to pursue them. Let me tell you a secret: “We are all scared here, okay? Even me.” Some people may say: “It’s easy for her. She has is all figured it out.” No, trust me, I don’t. I go through struggles like every single one of you…and yes, it’s hard. You can always take the easy road, but do you really want that? Do you really want to settle for mediocrity? Do you really want something ordinary or do you want a masterpiece?

I bet that those of you reading this would want a masterpiece. Why not create one? Why let your dreams die?

You can take the easy road, I know, but I learned the hard way that the easy road, it’s not worth it…and most of the time it won’t make you happy. So, keep your dreams alive! Do it for the one person who will always be there for you no matter what happens: yourself….because darling, if you don’t put your happiness first, no one else will.

Keep dreaming! Start working! Never forget to smile!

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Why I write

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Why do I write? Why do I feel? Ask me why I love someone and my answer would be: “I just do”.

Well, I write because I need to make sense of what’s happening around me, of the music stuck inside my heart and on my rough edges who need polishing. I write because I either feel everything at once or nothing at all. I want to say that there is nothing in between, but there is since life has many shades of grey. Usually, when I write I feel every piece of my body coming alive from the ashes. I write because I have dreams and I can say something about anything. The tree you just saw yesterday? The stars at night? The cute boy at the cafe who smiled at you ? Count me in, I can write about that, too.

I write because I feel like home whenever I have a pencil and a notebook in my hand. I write because I like to make people smile…or cry…or feel something. That’s the right word: “feel”. I like to make people feel whatever I feel at some point in time. I write because I feel everything so very deeply. I write because I feel jealous, envious, hurt, betrayed, lost, empty, happy, loved, taken cared of, peaceful, satisfied, determined, honest and powerful. I write because whenever I do so I am not myself anymore, but I suddenly become the Queen of Hearts. A queen who has the opportunity to create a kingdom through her stories, to leave a legacy behind. I write because I still believe in happy endings, dreams coming true and the beautiful side of life. I write, because sometimes I need to escape the world and understand better what is going on inside of me.

What makes my writing so good? I’ll tell you a little secret. I thought that I didn’t know, but I did….I realised it only when someone told me that something has changed in my writing style. I became more focused on the depth of my stories, of their souls, of their hearts, of the way they were felt. I always did that, but not in such a profound way. I have to admit that I was pretty superficial most of the time, although it doesn’t seem like that from the outside. Now, my stories are more touching and more powerful than before, because I give my whole heart when I write them , although it might get broken. I don’t care. I’m ready for the risk.

Let me tell you a little secret, as I said. The secret is that I love people, life, nature and every good and bad thing that happened. I feel love and I know that this is the source that’s driving my writing and it will always be. I’m not scared to admit that, because that’s why I do it. I write because I feel love and everything else is just around it. Love for good and bad things, love for art, love for my friends, love for my parents, love for writing.

I write, because that’s the way I heal…and that’s what makes me happy.

But most importantly, I write because in front of a piece of paper I can always be myself. No judgements and no lies.

I write because I like to look back and be grateful for the way I am living my life.

I write simply because what I say sounds good.

To sum up, I write because I feel…and it’s just like the way you love someone. You just do.

P.S: That’s a picture of me writing, made by one of my best friends. For more awesome pictures, check her facebook profile: https://www.facebook.com/iuly.muntean.3

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