The Best

Dear S,

Let’s change the subject, okay? You know, I have been thinking about this a lot lately (surprisingly, I know), but S really comes from “sweetheart”, don’t you think? It sounds so good and it matches your personality, so I really love it.

What should I say, today? You turn 18. I’m really trying to find my words, but somehow I feel like I am underwater, gasping for air and failing to find it. I wanted this day to be different, really different. It’s a special day for you and I don’t want to make it feel like being less than that. I think is as special as you are, as special as your soul…and trust me, your soul is pretty special.

There are moments in time, moments that we lose in a blink of an eye…and feelings, so many feelings scattered on pieces of paper, lost dreams and tears that we cry when we are afraid of being vulnerable….but somehow we still manage to get back up and fight. “Just one more day. Just one more day”, we say to ourselves….and then the days turn into weeks and then the weeks turn into months and then the months turn into years and somehow you grow up. I call it “somehow”, because you have to fight through the worst days to put a smile on your face and not let others see your pain, although it hurts…and every piece of your heart is breaking. I know it’s sad, because that’s exactly how it’s supposed to sound and others can judge me if they want. I really don’t care right now, because in a way that’s our friendship. We were always there for each other when everything was getting so bad that we thought we would never find a way out of the darkness….but guess what? We always did, because people don’t look up to those who have broken hearts, who are victims and complain about how everything is not perfect in their life. People look up to those who help and inspire them to become better persons and that’s why people look up to you. That’s why I look up to you. Everytime I have a problem you are there for me with the kindest words possible. You listen and you care. Somehow, that helps me to get back up and realise that it’s not over yet and that I’m not so fragile as my inner critic tells me. You show me that I’m a warrior in flesh. You show me that I’m as real as it can get and if that’s not enough for someone then that someone is not enough for me. You show me what a hopeless romantic I am and how many bad choices I made, but somehow you let me understand the lessons for myself. I don’t call you “my best friend” just because I have nothing better to do, I call you “my best friend”, because before meeting you I never knew the definition of friendship. You are my first true friend and I will always hold you close to my heart no matter what happens. It’s a special day for you, sweetheart and I don’t want to make you feel less than special. Yes, I know that I’m not perfect and I have my own struggles, but you deserve the best, because I already have the best: I have you as a friend.

Lots of love,

Queen of Hearts

 

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