What Makes Me Happy

This is written by a very good friend of mine, so I hope you like it.

,,What makes me happy? This is a good question. Okay, let’s see…

I like long walks and video games, reading books and talking a lot, music and hugs. I really love hugs.

These things make me happy, but if there is something in this world that makes me happy, then my friends definitely do that.

Until this year I had been alone, I mean  not really alone, because I had a family and I still have it. What I want to say is that I used to be ,,the lonely wolf”.

No friends, no social life, nobody my age to talk to. Okay, I had a friend until he decided to go to Alba Iulia to become a priest. So, with my friend in another city, my grandma in Germany and my parents working, all I had were the video games. Have I learnt something? Yeah! I learnt that killing is fun as long as we are talking  about the video games.

Okay, back to our story.

One day, my friend invited me to a party (it was his birthday). There, I met some very friendly people and some of them became my friends.

After this party, I began to be more confident than before and actually want to meet new people. So, when I heard about an English Camp for teenagers I said to myself: ,,Now I have the chance to meet new people and speak English”. Even if I was very nervous on the first day, I enjoyed the following four days.

After that, I worked as a volunteer at the Craftsman’s Fair for the same reason: I wanted to meet new people and make friends. The fair ended and I was alone again.

After a month, my friend (the future priest) asked me if I wanted to go to the European Orthodox Teenagers Meeting and I said ,,yes”. I met there a lot of friendly, fantastic and open-minded people. Those people understood me, listened to me, helped me and in the end, they became my friends.

So, you can say that the lonely wolf found a pack.

They are not just my friends, they are my second family. I would be nothing without them and I really love them with all my heart.

So, the answer to the question: ,, what makes me happy?” is definitely ,,my  friends”. “

 

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The day you broke my heart

The day you broke my heart,
I understood
that pain was not only a mere feeling,
but a complex of emotions
hiding in someone’s heart,
waiting to be discovered.

The day you broke my heart,
I felt the sting of the rain on my cheeks
and the whole world turned
into an unleashed hurricane,
waiting to strike the coast of my silver heart.

The day you broke my heart,
I understood
that love poems were as real as you and me
and that feelings were mine only,
not yours.

The day you broke my heart,
I understood
that sometimes the world will crumble to pieces
and that you would be unable to do anything, but watch,
because your heart it’s not beating like it used to
and you can’t face the pain.

The day you broke my heart,
I understood
that fairytales don’t exist in  reality
and that perfection is unattainable in life.
I stopped believing in prince charming,
because I knew that he would never break your heart,
since he wasn’t real.

The day you broke my heart,
I understood
that love can turn people cold
due to so much suffering.

The day you broke my heart,
I understood
how it is like to look at someone
and feel nothing, just dead inside,
because I was numbing my feelings.

The day you broke my heart,
I understood
that someone could damage you beyond repairing
and you would still love them
with all the broken pieces.

 

The day you broke my heart,
I understood
what true love is all about.
And guess what?
It’s all about freedom.

 

 

 

 

The Love Inside My Heart

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Every object has a story just like every person has one. It took me some time to realise how much the life of the storyteller affects the story, but what I believe is that there is one force, one energy, one power and one magical spell that bounds all the stories together. There is something perfect in all our lives and we all go through it at different paces. We look up to the beauty of the works of art. We admire the rain. We breathe and we smile often, because there is one reason that makes our lives worth living and that is love.

Love starts wars and ends them. It gives life to the stories of a writer and makes the world go round. Love brings pain and joy. Love is unbreakable even after all the experiences that made our hearts break. Love makes people grow roots and love makes us come back home after we’ve been away for so long. Love us look at a certain person as if we’ve never seen them before and think:’you are beautiful’. Love makes us dream about better places and smile in our sleep. Love makes the impossible become possible and  perfection attainable. Love shatters every rule that we have ever made.. Love makes us all fragile and sensitive. Love cuts us all wide open like a knife because it knows that our hearts must grow fonder. Love changes us. For better or for worse that is up to us to decide. The truth is that we live because we love everything. Wherever we go and whatever we see, we find a piece of someone’s soul in it. We find someone’s feelings of compassion in a drawing. We discover the beauty of nature in someone’s photograph. We admire the mystery of a handmade object. We see love everywhere we go: inside or outside ourselves.

There is love in a romantic relationship just like there is love between a mother and a child. There is love between a man and his animals and definitely there is some kind of love in all our relationships , even in friendships. Love is the source of our lives. It is the essence from which all of us are born and all of us aspire to come back to it. Love is the most innocent and the most glorious feeling the human beings have been blessed to experience.

Love is just beyond words, but all I know is that it gives us hope when we find ourselves hopeless. It brings a smile to our faces when we are sad and it wipes away our tears when we cry. Love gives us wings when we have forgotten how to fly. Love gives a meaning to a sentence when there is none to be found.…but the love inside our hearts makes us unstoppable. If there is one feeling that touches our souls and makes us lose ourselves in the process that is love. We wake up one day and realise that almost everything we see around us has a little bit of love in it and we ask ‘why’ countless times until it hits us. The truth is that we can’t live without love, because without it our world would be empty, sad and heartbroken.

So, as I said, every person has a story and if you want to know what makes mine special, what drives me, just read this 4 letter word: love…and I guess you already know everything. My stories are written in blood-red ink by the most powerful force that I have come across during my life: the love inside my heart.

Your life, your choice

How does it feel like to compare yourself to others all the time? Take my word for it, it’s really tiring….and it doesn’t bring you any benefit. There have been moments in my life when I’ve compared myself to other people and I did that pretty often until I realised that I was creating suffering for the only person that was living my life: myself. I either made myself look superior to others or I made myself look like an awful person. I think that in both of these cases the reason was the same: I had a lack of self-confidence. I didn’t believe in me enough to be who I was and admit that I was far away from my ideal of perfection. After all, it was fine…since perfection doesn’t exist, I don’t need a box to fit into anymore and neither do the people around me. I live my life and I choose to be who I am….and not just that, but to honour the fact tha I am unique and no one else is like me. I’m not saying this in a superior way, just stating the obvious truth.

It gets tiring to try to live someone else’s idea of your life instead of living for yourself. It can make you sad, bitter and angry. You have to be yourself no matter what, because you need to write your own stories. What colours you choose to colour the pages with, it must be yours. The words you say. The actions you do. Those are yours. It will never be others’ since you have your own unique journey here on Earth.

So, if no one’s path is the same and no one goes through the things that you go through, why bother to compare? It would be like comparing a purse with a book. It doesn’t make any sense….Why would you do that? Just because you don’t feel that you are good enough? We all feel down sometimes…and it’s okay, but you have to understand that you have the right to inhabit your life. You must become responsible for the way you react to situations, for the words you speak and for the things you think. Most importantly, you are justified and entitled to your feelings. This doesn’t mean that you have to be mean to others, but this is another subject.

We all have a purpose. I know I have dreams that I want to achieve and I can’t do that if I keep myself stuck on idea that: “I will never reach that place, because I’m not like him or her.” At some point, I grasped everything I’ve said I’d never have and I realised that I was blocked by an illusion. A fantasy.

We don’t have to live in the past. It happened and it has no power over us now. The best thing to do is accept it and move on. Everyone deserves a chance to be themselves and discover the beauty which lives inside their heart. Take risks. Think big. Smile often…and forget about judgements. People will always say what they want to say, anyway…but the thing is: they don’t live your life, you do.

Lots of love,

Queen Of Hearts

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