Dream Retreat

”I know why I want to save people’’, I told her.

’’Why so?’’, she replied.

’’Because I dream’’, I answered.

She looked at me taken aback,

Almost ready to leave, but not quite so

Because probably what I said seemed new and exciting

Like kissing a boy for the first time

Or visiting a new city,

Finding all its hidden alleys in one day

Or maybe like finding the cracks under your skin while watching a movie,

But most likely as painful and as sweet as change.

’’Are you crazy?’’

The question came out of nowhere

As if I was being hit by a bus right there

And I felt it while I was still standing on my own two feet….

’’We all dream’’, she said

’’Isn’t that what human beings are supposed to do?’’, she continued,

Her voice sounding like the wind – soft and beautiful.

I looked her straight in the eye

Replying with thunderstorms and knives instead of words

Because that’s what my heart became in that moment.

’’Not like me’’, I said

’’I’m different.

I dream of saving the world, of being the hero….

But most of the time I find it hard to save myself from falling in love….

Or failing at something……

Do you know why?’’

She moved her head from side to side like a ’’no’’ sign not said with her lips…

’’Because I’m not supposed to’’,

I replied with a skin made of the ashes of all the boys I ever loved.

’’Life isn’t supposed to be a fairytale in which the hero saves someone from himself….

It’s supposed to hurt

So that we know it’s real

And not perfect.”

My voice cracked.

She nodded, taking some steps back,

Then left

Like a ghost leaving a house she always haunted

And I retreated in my dreams

To have the things that weren’t real

Since they were beautiful.


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