How it feels like to be emotionally unstable

10 a.m
I’m crying….I love you so much and we can’t be friends anymore…
Look at us,
It’s so hard for me not to cry when I realize how my needs are not met
And how much I miss my teddy bear.
Please come back to me
I say with every tear that’s falling down my cheeks.

4 hours later
What’s up, bro?
I feel like your sis….we are besties
For God’s sake…
I want nothing more with you than friendship…
And I’m not lying ….that’s how I feel
You don’t attract me anymore
I love you like a brother….
And I can talk to you like nothing is between us….
We’re really best friends…
I laugh at your jokes just like a friend
And I feel no love at all
Just a beautiful friendship.

At night
I miss my boyfriend so much, I love him
And he doesn’t respond to my texts
I’m broken-hearted.
How could he ever break up with me?
It’s all my fault, I know.
I like to say I’m over it when in fact I’m not
I’m just lying to myself,
Missing him like crazy,
Loving him with all my heart…
And I’m sad so sad.

The next day
I decide that I won’t talk to him again,
It’s getting harder to cry every day
And it’s a price I’m not willing to pay
Because I deserve to be happy.

3 hours later
He texts me and I don’t respond…
I’m keeping the distance because I am sad
Trying to get myself together
And get back up from the blow.
I’m avoiding his texts, focusing on my life and what I have to do….
And it works….I’m feeling better

1 hour later
We’re friends again…that’s how I feel
And we talk about the past,
I write poetry and even I say what a beautiful friend I am…
Do I believe it? Probably….
But I feel like we are right now…

At night
I shouldn’t have talked to him
I promised I won’t and I still do…
I believe I can find a way to make it work…
This friendship? I guess it’s a friendship after all…
It’s hard when I’m emotionally unstable
It feels like walking on shards of glass
But I’m managing….
Because I’m finally accepting who I am
And I’m not trying to change it….
And in a way, I really like it….
Until it’s 4 a.m
And I can’t sleep
Because I love him.



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