Like a sharp knife inside my ribs and bones….
To feel so many things for so many different people,
To scream and try to reach for someone’s hand,
Hoping that this time they would hold you,
They would know how to make you feel better
They would say all the right words and you would just listen
because it would be that easy, that beautiful to have such a connection….
something that just flows easy and natural like the wind blowing the leaves of the trees in the fall….
To scream when no one hears you….
When reaching for someone’s hands to wrap around you
becomes a burden because they don’t know how to hold you right
They look at you with a blank expression and just stare
and all you hear is silence….
since they do not know what to do or say …
and you understand….
All you feel is the pain of “goodbye” all over again
Your heart breaks…crumbling like a piece of paper
and once again you hit the brakes.
The thing is your destination is just a dead end
No detour this time
No apologies, no: “I tried and I failed”
Because the person you reach for is already in another woman’s arms
Loving with all his heart,
Giving her roses and telling her all his favourite songs….
The person you reach for is not yours anymore
and you have no right to complain when he does not even try to be there for you
because he does not feel what you do….
He does not know how to fix a heart that has stopped working
How to understand a woman he let go of
How to be there with all his heart….
He can’t comprehend what’s wrong with the girl crying on the end of the line
Only that she cries….only that he doesn’t know what to do….only that he is her friend….
Only that he wants to help her but all he hears is “you can’t….please stop”
That’s why sometimes he wonders whether it’s his fault or not….
Whether he could do more for her….
Whether she still loves him because there are moments when he loves her….
but those moments are fleeting….
and all that’s left between them is a bridge that no one can cross….
She could try but only get in the middle until she drowns….
and he would fall into the water only by taking two steps
Because the two of them do not know how to cross bridges
How to fill the spaces that have been broken with something new…
so they just drown…and spin….
And dance, trying to reach for the stars….
Readjust their position in the driver’s seat, take a new route,
Meet different people….
This time she would reach for a man strong enough to hold her
To whisper the words “it’s okay, honey….I’m here, you can cry with me”
while putting his arms around her with a love big enough to conquer the world….
And then she would hear “I love you,” said all over again….
And she would be happy….