People look at me now with strange faces
Their words cutting deep into my chest,
Not knowing the pain they inflict inside of me
Altering the way my heart beats….
Making it move faster through the cracks of my being
In the places where time ceased to exist….
Just stopped in the middle of a sentence,
In the aftermath of a kiss,
In the moments you and I took our breaths away from each other
As if we could hold the oxygen with bare hands
Not letting it slip through our fingers
As if we could really stop the inevitable from happening….
As if we could stop breaking up.
People look at me now and they applaud
They say that it was the best decision to move on
Let go of all that pain
But what they don’t know is that I’m not always looking ahead
There are seconds in each day when I turn my head over my shoulder
And lean back, my eyes filled with tears
My heart full of regret…
And I remember all the moments of our relationship
And I cry for hours on end
Thinking about the good times.
What people don’t know is that in my dreams were still together
Next to each other in bed
I caress your hair and you smile back at me
Your teddy bear face still stares back into my eyes
Your lips whispering “I love you” with the sweetness of sugar
Your hamster like features stand out and make me smile
I come closer to your chest, just to hear the beating of your heart
I hold your hand even tighter
And I add “No matter what” at the end of “I love you”
We whisper it in unison like an anthem
Promising that we would always love each other no matter what.
What people don’t know is that we kept that promise,
Both of us
And even though our relationship failed we didn’t fail at love
Because we loved each other beyond time or space or promises or relationships
We loved each other even beyond borders and dead ends….
Just because we couldn’t work out as a pair on the dance floor
Or that we couldn’t be in each other’s arms every day
Or that we weren’t boyfriend or girlfriend officially
That doesn’t mean we stopped believing in love…
Because what we had was special
And we moved past this world to prove it….
We loved each other in dreams
In the spaces between the words of a song
In eyes and tears and lies….
In an alternative universe.
What people don’t know is that I never hated you
Not even for a second
I always respected you
You were always my favourite person to spend time with
You were always my best friend….
And I’ve forgiven things that I would never forgive myself for
Because I cared so much about you and your happiness…
And I always wanted your best, my sweet little teddy bear
My lovely hamster….
But I knew that I wasn’t the best for you
And what we had was not right….
So I decided to love you in dreams
With a passion that burned like a fire
Lighting up whole cities and destroying old buildings
And I knew that in that place
Where no one could see us,
Where the darkness would make shadows on walls
And we would be safe hiding….
Only there we could love each other in peace
And no one would be able to steal our magic.