In dreams

People look at me now with strange faces

Their words cutting deep into my chest,

Not knowing the pain they inflict inside of me

Altering the way my heart beats….

Making it move faster through the cracks of my being

In the places where time ceased to exist….

Just stopped in the middle of a sentence,

In the aftermath of a kiss,

In the moments you and I took our breaths away from each other

As if we could hold the oxygen with bare hands

Not letting it slip through our fingers

As if we could really stop the inevitable from happening….

As if we could stop breaking up.

People look at me now and they applaud

They say that it was the best decision to move on

Let go of all that pain

But what they don’t know is that I’m not always looking ahead

There are seconds in each day when I turn my head over my shoulder

And lean back, my eyes filled with tears

My heart full of regret…

And I remember all the moments of our relationship

And I cry for hours on end

Thinking about the good times.

What people don’t know is that in my dreams were still together

Next to each other in bed

I caress your hair and you smile back at me

Your teddy bear face still stares back into my eyes

Your lips whispering “I love you” with the sweetness of sugar

Your hamster like features stand out and make me smile

I come closer to your chest, just to hear the beating of your heart

I hold your hand even tighter

And I add “No matter what” at the end of “I love you”

We whisper it in unison like an anthem

Our anthem…

Promising that we would always love each other no matter what.

What people don’t know is that we kept that promise,

Both of us

And even though our relationship failed we didn’t fail at love

Because we loved each other beyond time or space or promises or relationships

We loved each other even beyond borders and dead ends….

Just because we couldn’t work out as a pair on the dance floor

Or that we couldn’t be in each other’s arms every day

Or that we weren’t boyfriend or girlfriend officially

That doesn’t mean we stopped believing in love…

Because what we had was special

And we moved past this world to prove it….

We loved each other in dreams

In the spaces between the words of a song

In secret….

In eyes and tears and lies….

In an alternative universe.

What people don’t know is that I never hated you

Not even for a second

I always respected you

You were always my favourite person to spend time with

You were always my best friend….

And I’ve forgiven things that I would never forgive myself for

Because I cared so much about you and your happiness…

And I always wanted your best, my sweet little teddy bear

My lovely hamster….

But I knew that I wasn’t the best for you

And what we had was not right….

So I decided to love you in dreams

With a passion that burned like a fire

Lighting up whole cities and destroying old buildings

And I knew that in that place

Where no one could see us,

Where the darkness would make shadows on walls

And we would be safe hiding….

Only there we could love each other in peace

And no one would be able to steal our magic.

 

 

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