The girl who has no name

Image source: https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/229331806004035701/

I love this poem because it’s different from everything I’ve written before. It’s me experimenting with words, making stuff up inside my head and just imagining different outcomes. Basically, it’s that moment when you think about living a darker life, but you know you won’t, so you write about it. Hope you like this poem, I really love it, although I’m not this kind of girl.

I hold my sadness in both hands
And I need new words to describe this crippling amnesia:
The moment when you unraveled the mystery that is my skin…
Our forbidden truths, half-lies
Danger and ecstasy all in one cup…
I felt alive….in your arms.
’’Love me’’, I said as I went down into the ground
To experience a deathless death…
You resurrected me back to life with your addictive touch
And now I’m a demon who wants your blood
Who craves your parts.
I need new words to describe that:
Being a mistress feels so wrong that I forgot how it’s like to be right
’’Kiss my neck,
Make my body sweat
I’ll forget when I wake
That you do not love me.”
”I’m only an extension of your skin, I’m only here for the kill, for the thrill
When in fact I hate myself.”
”Tell me that you love me, lie to me again
‘Cause in the morning
I’ll live to see the end.’’

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Beautiful at the core

Image source: https://www.blessingmanifesting.com/2014/08/you-are-beautiful-woman.html/

I wrote while letting my body speak a language I never knew before

I let the words roam free from my tiny little core

I wrote with my body, not only with my soul

I put labels on my skin that made me come home

And I felt beautiful.

I learned to love my most undesirable parts

I turned them into hearts

I hugged myself in dreams and tucked me well at night

I loved myself in light…

And in darkness, as well…

………………………………………………………

I do not care, I’m beautiful beyond repair

This is self-love, I swear.

I let go, feeling the freedom

Each part of me comes alive

The tension running wild

I’m at peace, I feel so damn good about it

I do not need another body to feel whole

I am beautiful and I am sure

That I do not need to ask for more

‘Cause I am beautiful at the core.

Before you foget – download the sky

Image source: http://chlapskazona.cz/kam-vzit-damu-na-rande/

I went to the hospital today and told them to remove you from my heart

“I’m sorry miss, but we do not perform this kind of surgery here” the doctor replied.

His eyes were swollen red, he looked as if he had just been crying

A tear almost falling down the chubby little cheeks

I thought if he had ever broken someone’s heart, to know what is like – longing for love

The way I did on summer nights when I was walking  alone on the concrete

The sidewalks we used to hold hands

Once empty and meaningless, now a part of me.

I went to look at the sunset, the lights that touched our pinky faces

Once ours to taste

Now mine to hold

Reflecting a soul’s journey.

From where I stood I saw the view, railroads intertwining, forming a perfect shape of X

As if they were calling me

To get closure….but closure is a monster

Because having it makes you lose touch with the most important thing – the present moment.

Believing that everything is either black or white

Not implying shades of grey.

There’s no reference to the shedding of skin

No room for a love that transcends “together” and “apart”

No possibility for the past to morph into the future, as it’s sometimes supposed to.

I saw it all:

The infinite, the stars, the night sky

Each one of them whispering a different story

Carried by the wind.

I remembered my favourite one:

You introduced me to the black-eyed girl, the one you kissed at the party

Drunk and in love,

She is now my best friend.

I remember not wanting the broken engine inside my chest to be mended

‘Cause deleting you would mean ripping pieces of me

And I am not ready for the amnesia of forgetting your skin

Erasing the taste of your lips from my body

I’m not prepared to forget your sunset smile…

And I am not ready for closure.

 

How to describe a kiss

This is a poem about my writing process and the moments when the voice inside my head gets really annoying. Trying an failing, ups and downs, an inner critic that never stops- that’s how I see it. When you get to the finish line it’s all worth it, but the process can be tiring sometimes. Enjoy 🙂

”Describe a kiss” –  inner critic whispers
My voice is trembling with anticipation
“What did she want me to say?”
I feel the heart in my chest “tum, tum, tum”
“Blah, blah, blah” my mind responds
“Describe a kiss”, yeah right, I know
Worst poetry
An intertwining of lips, crushing of stars
No, erase.
Eyes melting into each other, lips caressing, getting so close that there’s no more distance for air
Erase.
”Describe a kiss”
Well, with him is only cigarette smoke on redness, the taste of dreams at twilight
Sunlight caving in, puzzle solving itself out
Grenade, explosion, canvas with emptiness suddenly full of blistering colours
Erase.
”Describe a kiss”
A song, metal maybe? I know -something symphonic
Instrumental, piano notes carried by the wind
Chirping of birds, the peace of nature,
Leaves rustling, the sound of cars in the distance
Background noise
Erase.
”Describe a kiss”
Myself drowning in water, being somewhere I’m not supposed to, but liking it anyway
Gasping for air, reaching the shoreline
Toes anchored in the sand, waves hitting my body
That’s how I describe a kiss.

Excerpt

Subjectivity, saved by proclivity

Drown in philosophy

Don’t waste your time on mundane sensitivity

The destination is your infinity.

Suffering is inefficiency

My only aim is rationality

Emotions only destroy me

‘Cause I’m feeling it completely

The affection of agony

This madness is keeping me company.

Destination is my infinity

When I drown my affection inside your body

I feel the galaxies reigniting.

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