Be ready to pay the price

’’Be ready to pay the price of your success and you will be free.’’

Honouring your pain is not easy but there are advantages if you can do it. Healing after a break-up might be a long process, but there is healing, indeed. If you are used to running away, denying or avoiding your feelings then a break-up might be exactly what you need. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not advocating for the destruction of relationships. I’m just saying that you can find opportunities even when you feel pain or in my case if you go through a break-up. Why am I implying this? Well, simply because heartbreaks create spaces for us. Spaces in which you learn that you don’t really have 100% control over your life. Spaces in which you get in touch with your feelings at a much deeper level than you ever did before. Spaces in which you learn about self-love. In these places of turmoil and extreme grief lies our true power to change and become the person we’ve always wanted to be. Wherever there are huge setbacks there are great opportunities coming o our ways. Don’t let it pass you by, make the most of it. Maybe you needed time to reflect on the things that needed changing, so life said ‚’’take this pain and make something out of it’’. Only you can choose what you will do with the opportunities that you have been given. You can either rise above them or just sit back and watch how your amazing life passes by. To make myself more clear, here’s an analogy:

When you start to write you never know where the story is going. There might be this clear picture inside your head about the story, but as you start to write, get the words out there in the world, the story becomes different and sooner or later you discovered something else. The blank pages were filled with thoughts and ideas you never knew you were having in the first place. What if life is just like that? You need to let it unfold, see where it takes you, although is away from your perfect image. There are things you have no control over such as illness or natural disasters. Sometimes you can’t change what happens to you, but you can define your life and who you want to be, especially when you’re in pain. You can let it destroy you or build you up. At the end of the day, you choose to limit yourself or live the life of your dreams. Do you want happiness? Be ready to handle the pain, the fear, the anger and the heartbreak that comes along with it. Be ready to pay the price for your success and you will be free.

Lots of love,

Mădă

 

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Another chapter of your life

You tried. No, I don’t mean you simply tried. You gave your best, you cried yourself to sleep, you hoped for a miracle, you changed yourself, you destroyed your happiness – tried. If you did everything you could, everything that was in your power and it still didn’t pay off I think it’s time to let it go. It might be extremely painful, but sometimes this is the only option. When it’s all said and done, when there are no other solutions, you should have the courage to look in the mirror, sigh and start over – another chapter of your life. I know that it meant a lot to you, I know that what you fought for was considered 100% worth it and I’m not here to say that it wasn’t. I’m just here to say that maybe there is another lesson to learn, maybe there is another path you should walk on and new people to meet. I understand that giving up is scary, that forgetting someone you loved is the most painful thing you could ever do, but there are circumstances in life when you don’t decide. There are moments when your hands are tied and all you can do is sit and wait. Yes, love is beautiful, love is magical and love is worth it, but sometimes love does not solve all the problems in the world. Sometimes no matter how much you love someone they might never want to become their best versions of themselves, they might never see their mistakes and it might never work out between you two.

I’m not the type of girl who gives up, believe me, but I think that life can teach us many lessons and one of them is this– know when to let go in order to be happy, because if you don’t you’ll be miserable. I see the best in others, I see their light even when they are in complete darkness, but I can’t live their life and choose on their behalf. Sometimes, I can only do so much but watch how someone is hurting, how destruction is taking place. Maybe, just maybe what I see as destruction another person sees as an opportunity and it’s all a matter of perspective.

To sum up, know when to let go if you want to be happy no matter how much you care. Truth is, you never truly loose people, they are always there with you, in a special place called your heart.

Lots of love,

Queen of Hearts

 

I wish I had known sooner…

Hello dear readers,

I want to apologize for not posting anything for a while but I’m in a period of my life when I’m healing things regarding my past. Since I am constantly analyzing and processing my thoughts, my actions and my emotions I made some breakthroughs regarding myself as a human being. I feel like I’m becoming the person I really want to be around and I love that. To celebrate everything I would like to share with you some of the lessons I learned while going through this process. These are things I wish I had known sooner. It would have helped me avoid a lot of unnecessary stress, but I guess that experience is the best teacher, after all. Here we go:

  1. The past can hurt and so can the present if we always dream about tomorrow and forget today

I read all the times how important it is to make peace with your past and I agree with that. Not everyone had the childhood they desired or the most amazing parents …but there are moments in life when we don’t fight with what we had but with what we have. We are not accepting the present because we are always striving for different things rather than be grateful for what we have. We dream about the future and forget to live now, day by day, minute by minute.

  1. You are not all-knowing, we are all learning here

Pride is an emotion that we tend to feel when we imagine ourselves as all-knowing because we read a lot or did tons of research on a certain topic. It happens to me sometimes. The truth is, we can never know everything and it’s okay to still get it wrong from time to time. It’s okay to admit that you can never be an expert, just a student who is constantly learning and bettering at something.

  1. Accept your responsibility, blaming others doesn’t help you

Sometimes we feel a lot of anger towards someone – for what they did to us and what they could have done differently. We say to ourselves ’’they should have known better” , but we tend to forget that everyone is human and flawed. Well, people don’t know everything and they can’t read your mind. If you don’t tell them what you need, sometimes you just don’t get it. People are different, there are no two persons alike on this planet…so don’t expect others to know your thoughts and feelings. You don’t know theirs. A  person may have done something that made you feel sad and you can never turn back time, but there is one thing you can do – accept your responsibility for what happened. As I said before nobody is perfect and neither are you. When you see the part you played in creating the situation it is harder to point fingers at others since you know you were an active part in the whole story.

  1. Loving yourself is not selfish, is healthy

A lot of us feel like loving ourselves is something wrong and weird. It seems unnatural, but the truth is that we need to start being gentle and proud of who we are. It’s okay to hug yourself and just do things for you. The depth of the love you gave away to others was all along yours and you neglected the person who would be there for you for the rest of your life and guess what – that’s YOU. So, loving yourself is one of the kindest decision you can make. It also helps others When you become better, you show those around you more love and compassion.

  1. Meditation is helpful

It’s scientifically proven that meditation has many benefits when it comes to our physical and emotional well-being. I won’t go into that, but if you are interested there are articles available online and you can find more information. Personally, it helped me become more relaxed and feel better about my body. My emotions became easier to process, even the ones that are not really pleasant to feel like fear, disappointment, anger, and guilt. It was easier to process my thoughts and accept them, but also to see the consequences of my actions and accept my imperfections. This might not have solved all my existential crises but it certainly made me arrive at a point where I could see things more clearly.

  1. Details matter

The sun shines through our window in the morning, people smile when we walk past them, the light reflects on the pavement at night – these are all little things that can brighten our day and make us appreciate life more. Always pay attention, you can never know when something amazing is just around the corner.

  1. Listen to people

This one applies especially to relationships, all kinds of relationships. We are so caught up in wanting to change someone, in wanting things to be different that we ignore the other person. If we are honest with ourselves, more often than not we don’t really care about others. We want our needs to be met.  We desire our ideas so badly that we forget to appreciate the other person for who they really are. Listen to people, they know what they want.

  1. Pain, heartbreak, and failure are stepping-stones for success

It’s hard to accept failure and drawbacks in life and be grateful for them, but nobody talks about the happy times when they are at the top. They talk about their struggles. Remember that.

  1. You teach others how to treat you. Teach them well.

If you don’t set boundaries and don’t love yourself enough to walk away when things are painful, then don’t expect others not to walk all over you. Having standards is not about being selfish, is about respecting yourself enough to know when it’s time for you to go. Don’t let others treat you like badly. Love and respect yourself enough to know what you deserve and stick with it.

  1. My reality is not your reality

I get caught up in my way of perceiving the world from time to time. I have to remember that what I see is only a part of the whole story and I never know someone else’s point of view unless I ask. Don’t assume that you have all the answers. There are some situations in life when you are only left with questions. We all see reality differently and I think it’s high time we embrace that.

This is what I had to say for today. I hope this helps somebody.

P.S: If you are struggling with anything right now, I want you to know that you’re not alone and there is always help available no matter how hopeless things may seem right now.

P.S 2: The picture I attached to this post signifies hope – the light at the end of the darkness. Maybe you would find it as inspiring as I do.

Lots of love,

Queen of Hearts

 

 

Not getting what you want


“I keep trying and I’m not getting what I want….

Well, it was not about getting what you want. It’s about learning to accept.”

This is wisdom from the middle of the night….I had an amazing dream. I actually dreamed the quote that you read earlier and then I wrote the further words. I hope you enjoy them.

I did it! I slept…and I finally understood how it works. The dream told me. I had this idea of a perfect timing, of love, of a perfect life…but it doesn’t always work like that. The way you want it to go…and if you just keep pushing and pushing, you go further away from the goal. The point was just to let go, to surrender and see what happens. Yeah, I didn’t sleep exactly when I wanted…but my anxiety started to fade and I did sleep better eventually. Maybe we don’t always get to the finish line from the start…because there is so much beauty in the road that lies ahead…and missing that would just be sad. Maybe we get where we want 10 years later. Maybe we marry the guy we would never imagine we would…and we don’t get to stick with our first love. Maybe…that was the point all along…we just forgot to pay attention to everything that speaks to us. Maybe….life was simply not about our way, but the right way…and if we keep trying to fit in a box, to never let it change, grow, expand, morph its shape into a new form… we never get to experience the whole thing and it would be a pity to miss that. We need a new perspective on things and we need it now. So, yeah…sometimes we don’t get what we want…but maybe that’s the whole point of the story – to accept the unknown, to deal with disappointment. Some people won’t change no matter how much we love them and that’s okay. We have so much to learn from this experience. Pain is such a powerful teacher, but disappointment is even better. As Robert Leahy said: “we all are disappointed….but life is not about not having to suffer…it’s about creating a life large enough to contain suffering, to contain disappointment”. It’s about the way we deal with it that matters because we all are human beings and we can’t escape that. So, let go of perfect. Let go of the ideas inside your head about what could be or should be and just live now. Appreciate every moment because it is truly a gift. Every experience, every tear, every heartbreak, the worst and the best just the same….and never forget to smile.

 

“Life is beautiful the way it is….and it doesn’t take two to see it. It takes YOU”

 

Lots of love,

Queen of Hearts

Our demons

1

I do love you. It’s just that I’m mad….and I don’t know who I’m mad with more. You or me. I realize that I’m the one to blame because I stayed alone at that table, but I didn’t want to spend time with anyone but you. I know it sounds selfish, probably is, in a way…..but I really missed you.Maybe you didn’t miss me all that much…and that’s why you wanted to spend time with other people. Now that I’m sitting here, crying and writing these words, I realize that a void is forming in my chest. I could have stayed in the other city, come home another time. I could have refused to come to the party. I could have found someone to talk to last night. I could have done a lot of things differently, but the truth is that I didn’t. The sum of my choices led me to this point….and that’s my fault….because they were my choices and no one else’s. You made your own decisions and I made mine, but I guess the two of them didn’t sync. They were just like us – different….and I guess you can’t expect to see two people, with different life experiences, upbringing and perception of the world to feel or think the same thing. That’s  nonsense. I get it. We can’t be the same, but that shouldn’t be the problem as long as we communicate our views. Maybe the problem is not us, but what we don’t say, what we believe the other knows and understands. No, he doesn’t. Nobody reads minds. Period. That’s why we need to be clear and say all the time what we think or feel. Not avoid it. It’s the only way we can solve problems or better, not create them. Most of the time, we don’t even have problems,but we like to create them, to make them up, so that we can feel better about ourselves. Protect our little box where the ego lies….but in fact, this is a toxic thing. We shouldn’t do this. We should live happily ever after. That’s the thing – we make up our worst demons and then complain when they haunt us. Only when we realize that they aren’t real, that they are only illusions made up by our minds we can fight with them. First of all, we need to know the threat and only then start to choose a weapon. Unless you have clarity over a situation you can’t do anything except from staring into the darkness and wait for it to envelop you. We need to be strong in face of adversity. But most of all, we need a world in which people see things clearly and understand their problems. A world in which there are less stupid reasons of break up, divorce, killing others and so on. We need to wake up once and for all and realize when we are irrational or driven by impulses. But most of all, we need to talk, for God’s sake, because if we keep things bottled up they will eventually explode and destroy our beautiful world. And those things , my friends, those things which can save us a lot of tears and fights are called – talking, listening and making a compromise. I think we should all learn to introduce those in our daily lives. Like a practice…or a routine. There is one little thing called forgiving that should be included in this habit as well. Let’s be honest, no one is perfect…and if you consider yourself to be, then you are fooling yourself. You can be whoever you want to be, but above all things, you are human and flawed. Deal with it. Forgive others because you have been forgiven as well…and maybe, sometimes you didn’t even deserve it….but other people considered that you did.

Lots of love,

Queen of Hearts

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