What it takes to be yourself?

 

”Once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

– Margery Williams

 

Hello, dear readers!

I read yesterday a story called “The Velveteen Rabbit” and I wanted to share with you a short paragraph from it. In my eyes, it’s about becoming authentic in life. I will let the paragraph speak for itself. Enjoy 🙂

“What is REAL?” “Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Lots of love and always remember – be authentic each passing day. You can never get ugly, only more beautiful.

Hugs,

Mădălina Dan

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Fight for your dreams

 

’’Let go of your story. Tie no weights to your ankles. You can do this.’’

Two days ago I had a mini breakdown. There are days when I feel like this when I want to give up everything. Go back to bed, hide under the covers and never write anything ever again. There are days when I want to give up university, to forget my dreams and trash them all. Then, I remember the reason why I started everything in the first place. I go back to my vision board, only to draw again – this time something better.

Yes, there are days when most of us want to give up on our dreams, I’m sure I’m not the only one. My question is,, what would be left of us if we give up on the single thing we love the most in this life – our dream?’’ For me is writing. For another person might be engineering. For another might be dancing. It doesn’t matter. Your dream is your dream. I know you might make up excuses right now for all your limits, for everything that it’s staying in the way between you and your dreams. I get it. I get it why you do this. That has been me for many years. Years and years in which I told myself why I’m not good enough for writing, why I’m not ready to put myself out there, why I shouldn’t have a voice. Those years are over because when I look back from my death bed I cannot allow myself to see a person who lived her whole life in fear of the unknown. I want to see the person who conquered her worst nightmares since she believed in her dreams. She believed in her dreams more than she believed in herself sometimes. This girl had roadblocks, limits and 1000 reasons why she shouldn’t have done it, but she did. That’s what I want to see – someone who had the courage to ‘turn her can’ts into cans and her dreams into plans”.

What can you do when you are in a gap? When you feel like nothing is adding up? To begin with, close your eyesclose your eyes and imagine the life you want to live, the life of your dreams. Now, open them and start to write. Write what that dream means to you and how badly you want it. Promise yourself that no matter what happens or who stands in the way you will go after your dreams with all your heart, soul and spirit.

If you feel like the end goal is too big, make it small. Each day set a certain time to work on your dream. Each day do something little for yourself. Those days will turn into months, those months into years and sooner rather than later you will realize that you are already living your dream.

Believe me – you can do this. Refuse to give up.

”Life is only a game and the only for you to win is if you play.”

Lots of love,

Mădălina Dan

How to describe a kiss

This is a poem about my writing process and the moments when the voice inside my head gets really annoying. Trying an failing, ups and downs, an inner critic that never stops- that’s how I see it. When you get to the finish line it’s all worth it, but the process can be tiring sometimes. Enjoy 🙂

”Describe a kiss” –  inner critic whispers
My voice is trembling with anticipation
“What did she want me to say?”
I feel the heart in my chest “tum, tum, tum”
“Blah, blah, blah” my mind responds
“Describe a kiss”, yeah right, I know
Worst poetry
An intertwining of lips, crushing of stars
No, erase.
Eyes melting into each other, lips caressing, getting so close that there’s no more distance for air
Erase.
”Describe a kiss”
Well, with him is only cigarette smoke on redness, the taste of dreams at twilight
Sunlight caving in, puzzle solving itself out
Grenade, explosion, canvas with emptiness suddenly full of blistering colours
Erase.
”Describe a kiss”
A song, metal maybe? I know -something symphonic
Instrumental, piano notes carried by the wind
Chirping of birds, the peace of nature,
Leaves rustling, the sound of cars in the distance
Background noise
Erase.
”Describe a kiss”
Myself drowning in water, being somewhere I’m not supposed to, but liking it anyway
Gasping for air, reaching the shoreline
Toes anchored in the sand, waves hitting my body
That’s how I describe a kiss.

Vulnerability and imperfection

‘Being vulnerable is being beautiful, because this is how we get to be loved – for our fragility and our mistakes, not for our perfection. Love is found in imperfection, in truth and in breakdowns, not in the moments when we are happy.”

 

When I look around I see so many people who share their stories. People who are willing to be vulnerable. There’s something about them that moves others. Every single person is touched in a way that I’ve never seen before. Why so? If vulnerability is such a weakness? Why do we look up to those who are vulnerable? Well, I think it’s because we appreciate the things we are afraid to do ourselves. We try so hard to keep our perfect appearances and our walls ten meters high, but when we see truth, authenticity and others sharing their own feelings little by little our defenses are falling down. We understand on a subconscious level the experience of being human and as a human being, every single one of us faces hardships. We feel like we belong, we feel as if we are heard for the first time. We know there is a story inside of us, too. We understand that we matter. Being human is being vulnerable and when our shell breaks we discover our light. Others shine a light on our hearts when they have the courage to be themselves and their weakness makes them strong in our eyes.

There’s also another point here. My question is ’’why do we love someone?’’. I’ve been thinking about this for the last couple of days. Yeah, we do say ‚’’I love you’’ to people. Maybe sometimes without even understanding why. We do it in a rush or without thinking. We say this to our parents, our brothers and sisters, our friends, but as soon as someone asks us why – silence. We don’t know why. We just do. Well, I think I found a good answer to this question and yes- it’s all about vulnerability. We love people because they are imperfect, fragile, vulnerable. We love people for who they really are with the good and the bad parts. We love them for their cracks, for their smiles, and for their golden hearts. We don’t love them for being perfect, we love them for being true, sticking to their values and mindsets. If they were perfect we would just love them from afar. We would never dare to enter the house and live with them, talk to them, share our secrets and our dreams. When we see a perfect porcelain doll we admire it from outside the glass of a display window. Perfection, a smiling face and a straight upper lip will forever keep our love away from them, because we know the truth. We are all human. We all feel fear, pain, and shame. Being vulnerable is being beautiful, because this is how we get to be loved – for our fragility and our mistakes, not for our perfection. Love is found in imperfection, in truth and in breakdowns, not in the moments when we are happy.

My point is – be vulnerable. I know it sounds risky or like a horror story because I lived these feelings myself, but just think about it. Can you spend your whole life faking being perfect and not truly living from your heart? Can you pay the price of not being seen, heard or even loved? I’ll live you with that question. In the end, you decide what’s best for your life.

Hugs,

Mada

 

 

Your life, your choice

How does it feel like to compare yourself to others all the time? Take my word for it, it’s really tiring….and it doesn’t bring you any benefit. There have been moments in my life when I’ve compared myself to other people and I did that pretty often until I realised that I was creating suffering for the only person that was living my life: myself. I either made myself look superior to others or I made myself look like an awful person. I think that in both of these cases the reason was the same: I had a lack of self-confidence. I didn’t believe in me enough to be who I was and admit that I was far away from my ideal of perfection. After all, it was fine…since perfection doesn’t exist, I don’t need a box to fit into anymore and neither do the people around me. I live my life and I choose to be who I am….and not just that, but to honour the fact tha I am unique and no one else is like me. I’m not saying this in a superior way, just stating the obvious truth.

It gets tiring to try to live someone else’s idea of your life instead of living for yourself. It can make you sad, bitter and angry. You have to be yourself no matter what, because you need to write your own stories. What colours you choose to colour the pages with, it must be yours. The words you say. The actions you do. Those are yours. It will never be others’ since you have your own unique journey here on Earth.

So, if no one’s path is the same and no one goes through the things that you go through, why bother to compare? It would be like comparing a purse with a book. It doesn’t make any sense….Why would you do that? Just because you don’t feel that you are good enough? We all feel down sometimes…and it’s okay, but you have to understand that you have the right to inhabit your life. You must become responsible for the way you react to situations, for the words you speak and for the things you think. Most importantly, you are justified and entitled to your feelings. This doesn’t mean that you have to be mean to others, but this is another subject.

We all have a purpose. I know I have dreams that I want to achieve and I can’t do that if I keep myself stuck on idea that: “I will never reach that place, because I’m not like him or her.” At some point, I grasped everything I’ve said I’d never have and I realised that I was blocked by an illusion. A fantasy.

We don’t have to live in the past. It happened and it has no power over us now. The best thing to do is accept it and move on. Everyone deserves a chance to be themselves and discover the beauty which lives inside their heart. Take risks. Think big. Smile often…and forget about judgements. People will always say what they want to say, anyway…but the thing is: they don’t live your life, you do.

Lots of love,

Queen Of Hearts