What it takes to be yourself?

 

”Once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

– Margery Williams

 

Hello, dear readers!

I read yesterday a story called “The Velveteen Rabbit” and I wanted to share with you a short paragraph from it. In my eyes, it’s about becoming authentic in life. I will let the paragraph speak for itself. Enjoy 🙂

“What is REAL?” “Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Lots of love and always remember – be authentic each passing day. You can never get ugly, only more beautiful.

Hugs,

Mădălina Dan

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How to describe a kiss

This is a poem about my writing process and the moments when the voice inside my head gets really annoying. Trying an failing, ups and downs, an inner critic that never stops- that’s how I see it. When you get to the finish line it’s all worth it, but the process can be tiring sometimes. Enjoy 🙂

”Describe a kiss” –  inner critic whispers
My voice is trembling with anticipation
“What did she want me to say?”
I feel the heart in my chest “tum, tum, tum”
“Blah, blah, blah” my mind responds
“Describe a kiss”, yeah right, I know
Worst poetry
An intertwining of lips, crushing of stars
No, erase.
Eyes melting into each other, lips caressing, getting so close that there’s no more distance for air
Erase.
”Describe a kiss”
Well, with him is only cigarette smoke on redness, the taste of dreams at twilight
Sunlight caving in, puzzle solving itself out
Grenade, explosion, canvas with emptiness suddenly full of blistering colours
Erase.
”Describe a kiss”
A song, metal maybe? I know -something symphonic
Instrumental, piano notes carried by the wind
Chirping of birds, the peace of nature,
Leaves rustling, the sound of cars in the distance
Background noise
Erase.
”Describe a kiss”
Myself drowning in water, being somewhere I’m not supposed to, but liking it anyway
Gasping for air, reaching the shoreline
Toes anchored in the sand, waves hitting my body
That’s how I describe a kiss.

For Emotional People

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If you are an emotional person, than any distressing event can strike a chord inside your heart. Any event can make you feel helpless or hopeless and despair may be able to set in and overcome you. At least, that’s what I see all around me. People who are really emotional, but choose to hide it. I know that for a lot of  you out there it’s easier to put a wall up between yourselves and the world, but that’s the thing with isolation, it can actually make you feel worse rather than better. I think that we live in a society where we are told what to feel, how to feel and in what degree is fine, but this is a really stupid thing if you ask me. No one and I mean NO ONE has the right to say that your feelings or your experiences aren’t as valuable as someone who went to war or struggled with alcoholism or whatever…because, yes you may not have been in a situation where you may need to overcome physical abuse, for instance, but that doesn’t mean that what you feel is unimportant. Comparing to others, you may feel small or stressing over nothing, but if that event gets to you, it means that you are a human being and a break up can be as traumatic for you as a war is for a soldier. You can have similar symptoms. I’m just saying this to make people understand that each person is different and everybody puts their own subjective interpretation over an event…and yes, it can hurt like hell. You may end up having nightmares. Insomnia. Heartbeats faster than normal. Flashbacks. Need to isolate. Trust issues…and all kind of things…just because of something which actually should be unimportant compared to other stuff. What I do believe is that when you are an emotional person, someone dearly insulting you can have a really strong impact on who you are as a person. Or criticism….or break ups….or fights with friends…or misunderstandings. Yes, emotional people, that’s right. I don’t feel that someone really tells them that it’s fine whatever you are feeling. You have the gift to experience this world differently, because you are sensitive…and that’s not wrong. You can use this to create something amazing and help others…or just help yourself. Show the world the best you’ve got. A misunderstanding can tear you into pieces just like seeing people die is what haunts a doctor. Your experiences are valuable and it depends on the person how things affect you, but I strongly believe that no one puts emphasis on how emotional people have to deal with all the messed up things in this world. It’s really hard and we should be at least grateful. Without them, we wouldn’t have a lot of  books to read or photographs to admire or paintings to hang on the wall. They do go through hell, maybe every day, maybe more than you who are not so emotional. I think we overlook this and treat people who say ,,I suffer because someone rejects me” or because ”I fought with my best friend yesterday and now we don’t get on well anymore” like it’s not a big deal, but it is. Left untreated, everything can escalate. So, just be a good person and listen to what they have to say. Show support. Be there when emotional people need you. It may seem like it’s not a big deal for you, but you can actually help someone in need. Everyone’s problems are valuable and just because you haven’t witnessed a crime that doesn’t make them less important or less traumatic. So, yes, this world is crazy for making emotional people feel like overreacting freaks. They are not. They just feel everything more intense than you could ever imagine…and this is both a blessing and a curse. If you don’t have to face something like this, you are lucky….but if you do and I think most people are….I want you to know that what you feel matters and forget what this world thinks. No one has the right to say how an event or an experience should or shouldn’t affect you….and NOBODY has the right to judge how you feel because of it. They haven’t walked in your shoes. They haven’t lived your life. If you need to cry, do it. Even on the streets. Wherever you feel like it. Who cares if people will look at you like you are crazy? You will feel better. It’s worse to hide your emotions, because they are a part of who you are, especially if you are sensitive. Take care of yourself and never forget that your experiences are as valuable as someone who was raped and just because you didn’t go through something like that, this doesn’t mean that you may not feel at least something similar.
Lots of love,

Queen of Hearts

 

Bottling emotions

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Here I am. 1 a.m. Writing. I guess you just can’t decide when inspiration is going to strike, but rather, go along with it. These days I feel lonelier than usual, but in a good way. I feel that all my life has been about helping others, pleasing them or giving advice, but I know for sure what my life hasn’t been about up until this summer  – me. Truly, my life wasn’t about me, because I was so busy with helping everyone in need that I completely overlooked my own problems. My struggles didn’t really matter at all since they weren’t about someone else. When it came to me, I didn’t pay attention to what I was feeling and what I was going through. I know it sounds kind of sad and I believe that it is. I never stopped, at least for one minute and say:,,Enough! I need help” until the situation got out of hand and I ended up being so stressed that I had no choice but to see a psychologist and be on medication.

Now, a few moths after that happened…I am starting to take more and more time to process everything that I went through in the past year or so. It’s not easy and although I feel that I put more space between me and the world, I feel that’s what I need right now, because I don’t feel truly healed. I still believe that there are holes inside my heart that I’m trying to fix and emotions I didn’t process properly at the time….but who can blame me? I’m a human being and I’m entitled to make mistakes. Anyway, I think what helped me the most was writing a book. Yeah, you may think ,,blah, blah, blah, writer stuff or whatever” , but what I truly believe is that when you look at the situation from an objective point of view you start to see things differently. You understand the things you did wrong and think more rational. Think about how you could have acted better. You start to see how interpretations affect relationships, how they can ruin friendships…and you end up thinking that there are 100 different ways you can give meaning to someone’s words or actions, but you would never be completely sure that is the right answer, because everybody is different. So, I decided not to put tags on people and let it be. At that point in my life, what happened to me, made my heart ache and that’s fine. It was my own way of dealing with the situation at hand….but now, I know better. I realize I can’t change the past,  but what I can do is choose how to respond to it….and I choose to shine a positive light on it. I choose to be thankful every day for what my life has to offer, because I don’t know when my journey here is going to end.

I decided to look back on everything that made me feel worthless and see that time in a different way. It was a challenge, but, as days go by, I realize that slowly, I’m starting to understand myself better. I’m beginning to learn how to take better care of myself and create healthy boundaries between me and other people.

Writing a book was like a magic trick for me. It helped me process what I went through, the things that hurt the most. I think it was like a cure in a way, because it gave me an overview over my past year and a half, a time when I was crying almost every day. I bottled a lot of emotions in that period in order to protect myself….and right now, I can honestly say that I still feel the sting of the pain from that period. Every day, I’m releasing more and more of it and I hope that one day, I’ll be free.

I’m hoping for the best for everyone reading this article and I also want to encourage you to take a moment and just think about yourself. In today’s world, where we rush in a lot of places and meet with a lot of people we rarely take the time to really sit with ourselves and notice how  we are feeling and what our life is all about. Trust me, at the end of the day, you’ll be the only person who’s going to hear your own thoughts  and live in your body and nobody else, ever, will know you better than you know yourself. So, I hope you become your best friend, because if you are anything like me and spend your life always thinking about the good of others take a moment and appreciate how an amazing person you are…since you deserve it.

Lots of love,

Queen of hearts

Your life, your choice

How does it feel like to compare yourself to others all the time? Take my word for it, it’s really tiring….and it doesn’t bring you any benefit. There have been moments in my life when I’ve compared myself to other people and I did that pretty often until I realised that I was creating suffering for the only person that was living my life: myself. I either made myself look superior to others or I made myself look like an awful person. I think that in both of these cases the reason was the same: I had a lack of self-confidence. I didn’t believe in me enough to be who I was and admit that I was far away from my ideal of perfection. After all, it was fine…since perfection doesn’t exist, I don’t need a box to fit into anymore and neither do the people around me. I live my life and I choose to be who I am….and not just that, but to honour the fact tha I am unique and no one else is like me. I’m not saying this in a superior way, just stating the obvious truth.

It gets tiring to try to live someone else’s idea of your life instead of living for yourself. It can make you sad, bitter and angry. You have to be yourself no matter what, because you need to write your own stories. What colours you choose to colour the pages with, it must be yours. The words you say. The actions you do. Those are yours. It will never be others’ since you have your own unique journey here on Earth.

So, if no one’s path is the same and no one goes through the things that you go through, why bother to compare? It would be like comparing a purse with a book. It doesn’t make any sense….Why would you do that? Just because you don’t feel that you are good enough? We all feel down sometimes…and it’s okay, but you have to understand that you have the right to inhabit your life. You must become responsible for the way you react to situations, for the words you speak and for the things you think. Most importantly, you are justified and entitled to your feelings. This doesn’t mean that you have to be mean to others, but this is another subject.

We all have a purpose. I know I have dreams that I want to achieve and I can’t do that if I keep myself stuck on idea that: “I will never reach that place, because I’m not like him or her.” At some point, I grasped everything I’ve said I’d never have and I realised that I was blocked by an illusion. A fantasy.

We don’t have to live in the past. It happened and it has no power over us now. The best thing to do is accept it and move on. Everyone deserves a chance to be themselves and discover the beauty which lives inside their heart. Take risks. Think big. Smile often…and forget about judgements. People will always say what they want to say, anyway…but the thing is: they don’t live your life, you do.

Lots of love,

Queen Of Hearts