You can be right, happy or human. It’s your choice.
We live in an era where everything is changing at high speed. Technology is starting to occupy most of our lives, relationships are redefined daily and workplaces are not what they used to be. Given this state, the natural response should be seeing ourselves as a work in progress. Is this truly happening today? Not really.
As far as I can see, most of us have this innate need to be right. We want to control each little detail of life. It doesn’t matter if in our search for acknowledgment another’s experience is diminished.
Although our need to be right might be useful in some contexts, such as the workplace, in close relationships this brings us further away from our partners. We all want happy relationships, but lack of empathy is the underlying reason why we don’t have them. We prefer to live alone and be right, rather than listen and be happy. We have a lot to lose today because of this need to have our view of the world acknowledged. Even if we do, sometimes it is still not enough to get out of our own head.
This is the reason why we can end up in social isolation. If we think we are right all the time we don’t make space for the other person to come forth and show us their unique experience. Every person has a different set of eyes and a brain through which they process the human world. Starting anything with the benefit of the doubt and taking into consideration our differences leaves room for conversation…or as I’d like to call it, for true connection.
Today, everyone is talking about how they want to be connected, but in truth, we are more disconnected than ever. We already know why. In our quest to be right we loose what truly matters most – our relationships.
I found it useful to share with you my personal struggle with this matter. Now you can dive deep into the mind of someone who is right all the time. Please don’t get lost:
’’As a person who likes to have her own way, I discovered the drawbacks of this very thing. You can end up isolated and misunderstood. Instead of trying to switch the point of reference, you remain stuck. There is no room for growth. It’s just suicide.’’
I know I talked about what happens, but how can we change this? Stick with me for another personal account:
’’What I did to solve this issue was to doubt myself. To fit another’s puzzle pieces into my own story. I think that what we need right now is not a rigid view of the world, but rather a conversation about vulnerabilities and the stuff we are going through. We put up walls all the time and being right is just a way of protecting ourselves from the unknown, form saying yes to life, from the whole range of human experiences.’’
”Assuming that I can get it completely wrong was the best thing ever. I got to connect with people, listen to their stories and understand the way each idea was shaped inside somebody else’s mind.”
Instead of choosing between being right or being happy, a question of ’’either or’’, I think we need to get to the core of ’’both and’’. To redefine the discussion towards stories and meaning-making. In my view, there isn’t a right answer, only different versions of the same story.
For those who are strong enough to understand that being a human being is a paradox in itself, I can only assume they will live a happy life. For the rest, I think you’ll struggle to try to find ultimate answers to the questions of life. A quest which will only lead to despair, because there are no right answers, only more questions.
Aren’t we just animals circling around the Sun? Just admit, we are living paradoxes and we have no idea what the heck we are doing here, but we are doing it anyway.
Right or happy? Just be wrong for a second. Just be human. It’s the best thing you can be.
Lots of love,
Image source: https://www.vichealth.vic.gov.au/